14 January 2017

Kenapa Dia Bagi Mixed Signal

So, I don’t know where to start sebenarnya. This post is for girls, tapi kalau you laki and nak baca pun okay ja, tak dak masalah.

This article is utk gegirls yang fall in love with a guy and that guy shows you sign he likes you too tapi bila you try to make one step ke depan then he suddenly pergi. He suddenly push you away. Tiba-tiba dia suruh you move on. Tapi bila you dah try move on, his behaviour opposite dengan apa yang dia cakap. He keeps staring at you when you are not looking. Dia punya action tunjuk yang dia interested in you, tapi mulut dia cakap yang dia tak nak you and “go away from me”. Its kinda weird and frustrated right? Kita pulak kena guess apa yang dia fikir. Kita pulak pening kepala fikir pehal dia behaves macam tu.
So gegirls sekalian, don’t worry cause I do have the answers.

Jawapan dia… “He’s not meant to be with you”.


Aaaa I know ayat tu susah nak telan sebenarnya cause that guy seems so perfect to you kan, and dalam hati you keep telling he’s the one. Even laki tu cakap, “saya tak nak awak, I will not getting married with you someday” tapi hati you keep cakap he’s the one that I want and I know he is. Even you cakap, “okay I move on” tapi jauh di sudut hati tuu, you’ll still thought that he’s the one that fit you right.

And lagi pening kepala that guy give you a mixed signal. Yes, when a man in love its obvious. Nampak clearly yang dia suka you even he didn’t admit it. You tak perlu tanya pun dia suka you tak, sebab memang obvious. And you’ll be like searching around in google “sign he love me” “how to know he love me” utk reassure yourself kannn? Yes he loves you girls. Tak perlu pening kepala google banyak banyak utk teka dia suka you ke tak. Yes dia suka you. Tapi maybe you’ll be like why he let me go. Why he didn’t put any effort to make me stay. Why he asked me to go away if he likes me? Sebenarnya ada banyak possibilities for these questions. Bole jadi gila jugak cari jawapan dia sebab not all men are same. People are different.

And day by day, my theory on that questions keep changing and changing cause I keep reading a lot of articles kat google. As I say, men are different, so utk jawab persoalan tu, akan banyak theory keluar sebenarnya. Theory means, you just guess with some evidence you have tapi the real answers you don’t know. You nak tau, you kena ask dia la. Tapi biasa la, laki macam ni selalu nya akan manipulate kan benda tu and of course mati mati dia tak kan mengaku dia suka you.

So my theories for this problem are:

#1 HE SCARES OF LOVE


At first I read an article about “Someone who scares of love” and banyak la research aku buat pasal ni. That article cakap pasal, ada orang jenis yang takut dengan perasaan cinta. Bila dia rasa cinta dia akan run away. Bila dia rasa that relationship is getting too serious, dia akan pull away. And fear of intimacy ataupun rejection tu sangat la susah nk overcome sebenarnya. Benda tu macam utk protect diri kita from getting hurt. Dia macam put wall supaya orang yang tu tak deeply masuk ke dalam hati dia sebab dia takut kalau dia telampau sayang perempuan tu, maybe one day dia akan hurt diri dia. And I’ve been read, ada satu perempuan ni dia dah kawin, tapi bila dia rasa hurt, angry, confused or scared dia akan withdraw from husband dia, dan dia taktau kenapa dia macam tu. Weird kan orang macam ni? Tak pun sebenarnya, Love make us vulnerable. Love is an emotion that leaves you totally exposed utk getting hurt.

#2 HE IS EGO


Ohh yang ni the best article I read. Dia cakap lelaki macam ni sebenarnya ego. Orang lelaki di program utk kejar perempuan. Dia akan buat apa sahaja utk prove kan yang dia bole dapatkan perempuan tu. Tapi bila perempuan tu dah tunjuk interest dekat dia, so dia dah tak da benda nak prove kan. And he also fears commitment so apa yang dia buat is he pulled away from you and cari perempuan lain utk boostkan ego dia balik. Dia kena kejar perempuan baru dia rasa alive. Selalu nya lelaki mcm ni insecure skit org nya. And kalau you kejar dia you memang silap besar. Don’t chase a men. Men are program to chase a girl, so what you have to do is pulled away from him too. If he meant to be with you, dia akan cari you balik. But if he don’t then you should move on.

#3 HE IS IN EMOTIONAL UNAVAILABLE STATE


Aaaaa research pasal ni have change me, change my mind, change everything. Seriously I started to hate men because of this. So what is emotional unavailable (EU) man means?

Here are the sign your man is an EU:

1. Dia main game tarik tali. Bila you pulled away dia rasa mcam nk you, tapi bila you show interest, dia lari dari you.

2. Dia suka you, but dia main kat shallow part ja. Maksudnya dia tak berapa open sangat dengan you. Dia tak pernah pun cerita pasal family dia, future plan dia, dreams dia. Dia tak bwak you pegi deeply la dalam hati dia. Dia tak nak pun you kenal kawan kawan dia, family dia, and dia pun tak nak kenal family you or your friends. Maksud nya he loves physically but not emotionally.

3. Dia selalu avoid conflict. Bila ada masalah dia akan manipulate benda tu and elakkan benda tu jadi besar. Dan yang bestnya dia buat you rasa bersalah and put on blame on you on that problem. Dia cakap you are the one banyak drama. Pastu dia avoid you then you will be confused by yourself sampai you sendiri terfikir “eh salah aku ke? Apa yang aku dah buat tiba-tiba tak nak aku?”

4. Dia lebih prefer have long distance relationship, or texting. Dia tak pernah pun put an effort utk jenguk you kat tempat you. Even if you come to his place dia takkan bawak you pergi rumah dia ke, or bawak jumpa kawan-kawan dia and lagi prefer pegi tempat yang his circle and family tak jumpa.

5. Dia menghilang beberapa hari. Tiba tiba je last seen whatsapp sampai dua tiga hari tak on. He is avoiding you!

6. Seduce you tapi janji kosong. Cakap sayang tapi action tak tunjuk sayang. Dia mcm give you mixed signal.

Lelaki macam ni sebenarnya not intentionally nak hurt you pun. They just can’t love a woman in healthy way, dia tk reti kot nak ada happy relationship. And I do read a research, an EU man are afraid of being clung and controlled by feminine energy. Dorg tak tau pun dorg tengah in EU state, atau pun they just couldn’t admit it. And mostly this guy prefer sex without love.

You can read more dekat google pasal emotionally unavailable man, banyak sangat. Ada satu komen kt article tu, satu perempuan ni, dia dah kawin dengan suami dia 5 tahun dah and selama 5 tahun tu, suami dia sekejap sayang dia tapi kadang kadang avoid dia, pastu run away tak nak cakap dengan dia. Pastu okay balik. And keep repeat, repeat and repeat. Perempuan tu rasa tersiksa bila suami dia menjauh dari dia. Rasa mcam tak disayangi. And I feel really hate this kind of man tambah-tambah baca komen kat article kat google. Rasa marah sangat. Rasa mcm lelaki mcm ni tak patut hidup, meng suffer hati perempuan ja.

Being an EU person actually is not a bad thing. It’s called self-defence. You try to avoid your heart from getting hurt, but unintentionally you hurt someone else.
I made a lot reading about this, sampai la I found an article said “if you are EU girl, you will fall in love with EU man” then I thought by myself, “aku ni EU girl ke?” (Since I have fall in love with EU man before) so I checked one by one all the sign of EU person.

Terdiam aku. Yes. I’m EU woman.

Selama ni, I research, read pasal EU man, benci EU man, put a blame on man, tapi sebenarnya I’m the one that become EU. Aku research pasal diri aku. Sebenarnya lepas aku break up with my ex-boyfriend masa 2012, sejak tu I said to myself yang I will not be in any relationship even though I love that person so much. I just want to be friend and kalau ada jodoh kawin. So selama ni memang I close my heart from any man, and I’m afraid of falling in love again.

Ramai laa laki that I’ve reject. Ada satu laki tu dia suka gila aku, sampai pernah datang beraya rumah aku hahaha but lastly aku reject dia. Kesian dia. And satu laki ni study kolej dekat dengan matrik aku. Dia tunjuk la effort yang dia nak aku, tapi aku je main shallow part dengan dia. Dia siap sanggup sewakan kereta and bawak pegi KB Mall. Tapi time tu berteman laa. Bukan a date ye. Dia kenal-kenal ngn abg aku siap lepak-lepak sekali semua. Tapi akhirnya I’m avoiding him. Kesian la. Bukan aku sengaja patahkan hati dia ke apa. Just I don’t feel the same towards him and I don’t want my heart to be hurt again. I put a wall and just find a platonic love. In order untuk jaga hati aku dari kecewa, tanpa sedar aku kecewakan ramai hati orang lain. Sebab tu ada orang kaitkan EU ni dengan narcissist.

So mesti gegirls2 semua tertanya, macam mana nak buat EU man jadi emotionally available (EA)? Mcam mana nk buat laki yang tak open, main shallow part ni open dengan you and love you deeply? What should you do? The answer is nothing. Run. RUNNNNNN! Run away from this kind of man. You’ll hurting yourself if you stay with him. Nothing can change him. EU man can only be an EA man bila dia jumpa the right girl. If he can’t be EA with you, he just not meant to be with you, that’s it. Stop cari macam mana nak buat dia sayang you deeply, because he will not.

Loving someone ni macam bahan kimia. You take one substance and you combine with another, then voila! Its compatible. You can’t force someone to love you. Dia sendiri dia. Once an EU guy meet the right girl, dia sendiri taktau kenapa wall dia pecah, dia sendiri taktau kenapa dia cerita secrets dia, future plan dia, dreams dia, being vulnerable to that girl. Dia sendiri taktau kenapa dia bole love that girl so deeply. So stop searching how to make your man love you deeply, he just can’t because you’re not the right person. Awak bukan jodoh dia, paham tak. Stop cari jawapan dia.

Tapi I think theory yang mengatakan EU person can become EA person when they meet the right person ni berjaya utk orang lelaki je kot. Sebab I’m EU girl, and setelah 4 years I close my heart to any man but then I met a man and dengan mudah nya he break my wall yang aku bina selama ni. Aku pun taktau kenapa aku bole open dengan dia, cerita segala rahsia kat dia. Tapi akhirnya he’s just not meant to be with me. So I guess orang laki je kot. Why? Sebab orang lelaki ni ada ability to differentiate between infatuation and love but girls don’t.

Move on girls. If a man give you a mixed signal meaning that he just not meant to be with you. The right person won’t treat you like that. Cuba-cuba laa google “how it is feel to meet the right person” banyak sangat experience orang yang dah kawin ni, dorg cerita dalam article dorg. Read. You will feel tak sabar gila nak jumpa the right person hahaha.

Bila aku dah besar ni, aku baru sedar yang love is about letting go the person that you love. Tak semestinya you sayang orang tu, you have to be with him. He might got a lot of similarities with you, share the same feeling but if both of you not are compatible to be together nothing can change it. Compatible doesn’t mean “ohh dia dgn aku ada banyak persamaan, our communication is good, and bla bla..” semua laa alasan you nak kata you berdua serasi. No. itu compatible to be friend tapi if both of you tak da value yang sama dalam life mean you’re not meant to be married with him.

Marriage is about achieving the same goal together. Without that person, you can’t achieve it by yourself. So ask yourself what is your goal? What do you value in your life? Is it same with him?

Alright, sorry this article quite long but this is for girls yang confused dengan lelaki yang keep give mixed signal. Conclusion nya if he give a mixed signal, he just not meant to be with you. Lupakan. Life is too short to fall in love with someone that doesn’t love you loudly. Redha. Macam mana nak tau hati dah redha? Bila you stop tanya soalan soalan dan soalan. Sometimes laki tu tak bagi mixed signal pun, dia dah cakap NO so its clear to be NO.  Tapi you keep rasa macam dia give you a mixed signal sebab you so desperately want the answer to be yes, and sebab tu you will hold anything you find to tell yourself the answer is yes even though he say no. Better find yourself and love yourself more girls.

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